Could this be the least sexy thing sold by Victoria's Secret?

Victoria can't keep this secret -- it's too big!

(Disclaimer: My mother came up with the joke above. Also, I love VS and have always been happy with their products and customer service. This item was by far the most unique in regard to fit and worthy of a humorous blog post. Also, I am not pregnant.)

I have a thing for cowl neck sweaters, Victoria's Secret, and using lots of promo codes when purchasing items online.

So, when VS had a deal for gifts with purchase and Secret Reward cards ($10 each minimum) I went online and found a few things to add to my wardrobe.

I saw this item: http://www.victoriassecret.com/clothing/all-sweaters/multi-way-tunic-sweater?ProductID=77596&CatalogueType=OLS

Wow! What a cool sweater! It does so many neat things and is long enough to wear with leggings! That'll look great on me! Right?

Wrong.

I ordered a size small and couldn't believe how gigantic it was. Biggest shirt I've ever worn. Hands down. Without a doubt. So I exchanged it for an extra-small and here's what I got:

Hands in sweater pockets = instant saddlebags

I tried it on and showed Tim.

"Ugh, don't put your hands in the pockets!" he said, his face contorting slightly.

Looking in the mirror with my hands in the pockets, I realized it gave me that pear-shaped body my cousin and I swore we'd never get despite our family genetics suggesting otherwise.

I kid you not, this is size XS.

Size extra small? For real?

My torso is not made of cardboard, I swear!

Normally, Victoria's Secret is known for having clothing that flatters a woman's body. But this sweater makes me look like I'm mostly made of cardboard.

Would it be different if I were six feet tall and 105 lbs like the VS models? Maybe. But the world will never know.

It didn't look like the pictures. At all. And the cool things this "multi-way" sweater did? Yeah. Not so cool-looking on me.

Sexy off-the-shoulder or just wearing clothes that are too big and fall off?

Huh?

The hood thing reminded me of the Mary J. Blige commercial for ATT she did a few years ago where she wore all these awesome outfits while she conducted business on her phone like a boss. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Usw4c7bdqcA

I don't look like a boss. I look like I belong in a conservative sect of (insert religion here), which I don't.

There are some perks to the sweater, though. Like, if it gets REALLY cold out and you need to warm up just crouch down and it will cover your entire body! More stylish than a snuggie!

Brrrrr!

Also, because it is so gigantic, I am pretty sure if I am ever pregnant with twins, triplets or quadruplets I can wear this sweater for the entire term.

Awwww, it can fit a baby someday!

Okay. All kidding aside, I will be keeping the sweater. Despite the fact it may be the least sexy thing ever to be sold by Victoria's Secret, it is incredibly comfy and, in the winter, that beats sexy.

To wrap up this very long post, here are a few other photos from the giant-sweater ensemble:

I like dressing up neutral tones with sparkly earrings.

Upside-down French braid + bun