Thursday, August 14, 2014

Saying Goodbye

It's a new season of life

Dear Friend,

It's time for me to let go.

July held some big goodbyes for me. Goodbye to an apartment I loved. Goodbye to a person I loved. And after three years, I finally said goodbye to a dress I loved.

My wedding dress.

It was exactly what I wanted. Sparkly. Elegant. Feminine. Princessy. On clearance. (You know how I love a good deal) After losing 20 pounds during my engagement, I went through several rounds of alterations to give it the perfect fit. I loved that dress. I felt like the most beautiful bride in the world.

Photo by Fleur de Lis Photography
I wish I could say the beautiful dress was the beginning of a beautiful happily-ever-after marriage. But I let go of that too. (read more here)

When packing up my apartment to move in with new friends in a new part of the city, I decided it was time to let go of the dress and all it represented. It was time for me to embrace the closure. I couldn't justify continuing to carry it around with me from place to place anymore when all it did was remind me of broken promises and dead dreams. So, I pulled it out of the closet and set it with the other items I was leaving behind. But not before wearing it one last time. I couldn't believe it still fit -- a little too tight perhaps, or maybe it was just my heart inside my chest that was tight. I donated it to Goodwill the next day, which ironically would have been my third wedding anniversary.

The love of a dress

My best friend recently told me that getting to know yourself when you're alone after you say these kind of goodbyes is a beautiful thing. I'm finally starting to see that. I'm starting to look at myself differently than before. What I want has changed. And what I want is to stop blogging.

I started blogging for reasons that are no longer relevant. I work days and more hours per week than before. I make less money but dress better than before. I still want to explore the city but not through the screen of my phone as I snap pictures and think of how to share them through social media to maximize clicks. I still want to explore my creative side but only for myself like I used to when I journaled and wrote poems and songs and other random things.

What I'm saying, I suppose, is I want to live my life for me right now in a different way than before and to do that I need to say goodbye to you.

Thank you for reading, commenting and supporting me. I'll still be on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter but I'm closing the book now on this blog and this chapter of my life.

Love, love.